How do you know you get a ‘good’ DBA or not ?

I can’t stop laughing when I see "Top 10 Tips For a DBA" from LewisC at
It is obviously a joke, but if you really see your DBA works in that way, you are in big trouble and gonna to take corrective action right way. Let us see what LewisC list for us:
10 most important things you can do as a DBA

  1. Sit around reading the newspaper until an application runs out of
    space. If applications never run out of space, how will management know
    they need DBAs. Don’t add space until someone besides you notices.
  2. Wait until a developer or user wants an ID, create it but don’t grant any permissions.
  3. Even if you know an application user or developer needs specific
    permissions, wait until they ask for it. This enhances security. (as in
  4. When a user or developer asks for permissions, give it to them without question. Questions are a pain.
  5. Explain to users and management that performance issues are always caused by network or application problems.
  6. Explain to developers how performance is always bad code.
  7. Explain to other DBAs how stupid your users, developers and managers are.
  8. Say "No". The question doesn’t matter. No is easier and usually the correct answer anyway.
  9. Force developers to submit their code to you for review two days
    before you’ll run it in production. Then, run it without looking at it.
    Tell them about it.
  10. Don’t allow production support to have any access to production. Complain when they call you at night.

I say nothing but …Ha.ha.ha… You gonna to know how to deal with your "so-called DBA" if they matched LewisC’s 10 features.


About Pang

Oracle DBA working in database, fusion middleware and identity management and cloud.
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